Death Anniversary of Papang

    Today, 12th of September 2024 is the first year death  anniversary of my father, Papang (Dad) Tomas. He passed away last year when he was hospitalized due to community pneumonia. He had a lingering illness of asthma and sudden outset of diabetes. 

    As a first born child of my parents, I was so closed to Papang and Mamang (Mom).. Family problems were discussed as if we're only friends. The discussions  would cover the family and national issues that were happening and sometimes what had occurred in the world. Papang was only third year high school yet he was so keen to the political climate in the country.

    The untimely passing of Papang, as a family member would interpret it, was probably exacerbated by  the death of my brother  Jeffrey a year ahead of Papang. These two deaths were so painful because they are my immediate family members.

    One year after the death Papang, my mother Concepcion is always emotional when in passing  we mention about Papang. He is remembered as a strict father yet so loving to his children and a very efficient provider for the family. He was strong willed and brave. He was the natural leader of his cousins when as young, they encountered trouble with other "gang". 

    All I have now is a memory of Papang. His voice still lingers on in my ear. His natural voice as natural story teller with humor is his attribute. He had many exploits to tell especially when he was still young and during his teenage days. He would tell his story about their batel or big boat plying in Sipalay to Guimaras and Palawan. He would tell so many funny stories about Lolo Felomino, the father of Lola Pansing, his mother. He would also tell funny story about  Lolo Cente, his father. He would tell all these stories with gusto and fun then burst to laughter.

    Hope and pray that Papang is at peace now with the Lord. That he is happy in his new place in heaven. We love you Pang and you will always be in our hearts as long as we breath.

 Weaponizing Sulking

    I observe that there are people close to us or not so close to us who utilize sulking as their ultimate weapon. They would negotiate to get what they want but if they cannot get what they want, they would go in silent and would not say a word to you. Their closeness to you is their bargaining power and eventually they can get their goal if we give in. This is sulking being utilized as weapon. 

    We are also afraid to confront the sulking persons for fear that we cannot sustain our "war" against them. We always want to be in good terms with them that's the reason that they can manipulate us by utilizing sulking. Millennials now are so adept in utilizing sulking that they would go depress if their demands are not met. They are like hold uppers who will keep us hostage. 

    Sulking only becomes effective because we allow them. The ones who are weaponizing sulking cannot do it to others whom they know they have no clout. They only utilize it to people whom they are close and they can bargain. 

            Are we going to allow sulking or tolerate it? It depends because the ones who do it have also connection with us. Sometimes we are also the ones who are doing it. We are also the ones who are hard to be understood. 

        To our primate relatives, there are also video clips where a baby is making mischief and goes away from the group but I think it's not sulking. It's an avoidance probably of punishment from the mother. To other animals like elephants, lions and others there are those who temporarily go away from the group but there is no definite study if that is sulking or simply avoidance of the group for their own self-interest for foods.

    As long as human dominate the world, sulking will remain as it's weapon and part of his emotional blackmailing. 

 Approaching Late 50's 

        I'm now 55. Though health issues sometimes confront, but thanks God that overall I can still say that I'm healthy. I need to be because of the herculean tasks that lay on my shoulders. I have still two daughters who are in school, one in college and one in Grade 12. I have my expanded family who also rely on my financial help. My work as a principal also demand that I should be always at the prime of health.

     Various authors have elaborately discussed that we as humans have passages in every decades our lives. Erick Erickson is famous for his stages of human development theory. That for every stage, there are values and expectations that are associated as we aged.

    Now that I'm approaching late 50's, I observe that my economic value still need to be improved as the needs are still all time high. In terms of philosophy and religious outlook in life, I think I already reach my conviction. I accept that I am a believer in One True God. I believe that I should also help those who have less in life and especially the oppressed classes of peasants and workers.

    In terms of personal attitude, I observe that I am more vocal and assertive. In my job as a school principal, I need that I should be firm with my decision and should really say what is really true without sugar coating in my words. 

    I am also thanking the Almighty that  He helped me survives so many adversities in life and had elevated my economic and leadership status as a president of Teachers' Federation in our City.

    Hopefully, the remaining years of my being 50 would be spent in many productive projects and activities that do not only benefit me and my family but also my teaching sector, students and my community and country.

 

Missing My Dead Brother and Father

        If only we can hold the hand of time, we will do it especially if we want to stop painful and tragic events to happen. We humans really would like to perpetuate our happiness and success and same, we want to keep with our dear ones forever if only possible. But no, our time has limit and our life has an ending.

        Year 2022 and 2023, I'd lost my brother Jeffrey and my father Tomas. Though I already understood this as a natural part of living on Earth, but the pain was really soul deep. The thoughts that why somebody should leave ahead was not properly answered. I had only to rationalize everything. Jeffrey died of either of heart attack or stroke  so I told myself, it was because he failed to take care of his health. My father Tomas, died three days after he and my mother attended the wedding day of our niece. He already had a bout with gout for months, creatinine was high, constant bout with asthma, sugar was also high. In short, he was a potential physical time bomb ready to explode anytime. Papang (father) Tomas really succumb to community acquired pneumonia and passed away after our reunion in our house with my first born grandchild to my eldest son. I also rationalize this as good life already for Papang because he also told us that majority of his closest friends had already went to the great beyond ahead of him without thinking that he followed soon.

        Though I am now more than half of the century and had already witnessed so many deaths but still the pain of losing dearest members of the family was so intense. Grieving then was necessary to accept the fact that they were gone forever and could not be seen personally except in memories, pictures and mementos they left.

        Lessons learned, that while our dear ones are still alive, moments should not be taken for granted. We should really give time for conversation, face to face interactions, calling and messaging if we are far away--in short communication is necessary. Otherwise, if suddenly our dear ones went ahead without   any warning we would find ourselves regretting that if only we give our love and time to them while they were alive, then the pain of losing them was not so intense.